How did this happen to me.... The same way it does to most junkies. The stories are often quite similar. Life is rolling along just fine and then one day, you get a tooth pulled, or you hurt you back picking up groceries and the next thing you know, you're a junkie. It sounds ridiculous but for many addicts, that's just what happened. Doctors are responsible for giving patients what they want even when they know the danger of addiction. Usually you do actually need a pain drug, due to an injury or a chronic pain condition. Problem being especially with Opiates the need for more and more medication to control the same amount of pain is common. If the pain or condition you have is temporary, a doctor will usually give you something strong to get you through the beginning, thinking that when you are no longer in pain, you will not want more medication. If you are an addict this is NOT true. I had seven years strung together of sobriety, getting clean from heroin was one of the hardest things I've ever done, staying clean from Opiates, is even harder.I knew better than to take Opiates, but when you are in pain, in my case, back pain from an injury started my road to relapse. First I had just a few Vicodin, and it progressed over a year to three different Opiates and a multitude of muscle relaxers and psychotropics to deal with my pain, and the depression caused by the medication and the depression of losing my sobriety and dealing with the fact, that once again, I couldn't plan a short weekend away from home with out making sure I'd have enough meds. When running out of medication and not being able to find any for sale "on the street" the next move is back to heroin, I don't want to be sick, I've been through it too many times. But now to make it worse I also experience back pain in addition to withdrawal symptoms. I don't want to go back to Heroin, the drug itself is evil, but financially it leads to breaking the law, one way or another, to get money to keep your habit going. The story is the same the names and medications change, it's a tooth instead of back pain, or one of those doctors that'll give you as much "medication" as you want, you just pay for your visits in cash instead using insurance.
This is just the beginning and it's the end. It's time to make a decision, am I going to keep playing this game with "medications" with "dope doctors" with the welfare momma who has a connection for everything from dilaudid to methadone to adderall and xanax.
Those of you who know what I'm talking about, KNOW what I'm talking about, it's time for a change, it's time to get up that courage to change. Just one more weekend to get thru and I'll start next week, I fool myself with that one for months, now that I'm so broke, that I'm considering my "old" ways to make money, all illegal, but the kids are older now, I don't want to go down that road again, my family just started to trust me again, they don't know that I'm on the edge of fucking up everything. Will I? I don't know for sure what my next step is going to be, I hope I go in the right direction, I know the way, It's a really bumpy road, but not as bumpy as the "easy way" of staying on drugs. Stay tuned....
